Post by andrew on Oct 6, 2008 11:57:03 GMT -5
Sorry but I have to put this down. This is my rant and I would rather put it ALL down on here than of taking it on other people (i.e. like how it happened before annnnd how it happened to a friend last week-more about it later on). So okay here it goes.
FIRSTLY, I DO NOT LIKE to be treated like I am a BLEEPING slave. I mean basically I DO all the work in the bathroom-the toilet, the mirror, the sink, the silver bar thingies, the window, the walls, the showerhead, the faucets. Heck even the tub! Yesterday I asked my roommate NICELY if she can just for once, do the tub. Her response? "No, I would just do the floor." She always do the floor so why not I DO the freaking floor just once? I mean good lord! But okay back to the slave comment. Oh yes, its true. I usually get told to: "turn off the front porch light" or "turn off the hallway light" when really Judy should just take her lazy butt and turn it off since she walked from that direction. I end up doing everything. Oh and I have to sweep the hallway. Christine (the roommate) never, and the only people that do is me and Ryan. How fair is that?
NOT fair.
Okay now the second thing, Christine the roommate. For some odd reason she had been acting REALLY REALLY odd. Yesterday is a prime example. She turns on her clock radio when I have my radio on for goodness sakes. Okay so maybe she wants to listen to hers, but she should have said like, "hey Tia, would you like to listen to it too?" I would have said "yep here I'll turn down mine." But nope not one word. Next, she leaves the room, watches a bit of tv, and then comes back. This happens every 5 minutes. And then she leaves on the light until it is 11:00. I was speaking to the one who plays Father Michael and he said that maybe she was afraid of the dark. Um no. Because before, she can just lay there with the light off. However, I spoke to the owner and she said if I'm not trying to sleep then yeah. But the thing is, she is WASTING ELECTRICITY. Shoot even I don't turn on my radio that much. I have it on but turned down since I didn't want to loose the way you would have it set up with the stations. But I can just easily put it in. I think from now on to save electricity, one cd per night. Or my tapes. Yep. Anyway back to Christine. So the next weird thing with this woman is, she slams the doors and also locks them. She claimed it was like that. Now you would probably say "Uh yeah right," mostly from the next thing I am about to say. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I HAD WITNESSED her turning the lock. I'm not stupid, okay maybe I am stupid but not totally stupid. I saw her turning that freaking lock so the next time she locks me out the owners would know. Heck one of the owners WAS there pounding the door. She LIED to him saying she didn't. The biggest thing that is shocking is not only she was swearing and called me the other word for Donkey, but, she freaking told the police (I guess when they took her to the hospital or she called up the police from there), that I tried to suffocate her, by putting a blanket over her head. I do that too of putting i t over my head and I'm perfectly fine. I mean what the gods name is that?
The third thing is, I am so agitated, so irritated, and on friday believe it or not I WAS VERY VERY close to pack my bags. I had enough so I called up social services. Judy had to come so the investigator could talk to her but I couldn't sit there. I just couldn't. I went to the room and cried (yet Christine didn't bother asking me if I was alright).
You know I feel very very better of calling them up you know what I'm saying? Maybe I could FINALLY after FOUR years of being there, could leave. All can hope.
However, I'm still scared. Judy might ask me who called them up. But when I called up the abuse hotline, the lady on the phone told me if she did ask me, deny it. I'll do that.
But I still hate the place. I mean more rules were created, and yet we don't feel like we're at a home. To me its NOT a home. Home is where you can come in without knocking on the door, have a key with you, and be able to share in cleaning the WHOLE house. Home is where you go to the house, and just relax and talk with the staff that is working there, laugh, and have a good time. Home is where you feel safe.
The thing is I don't.
So there may be others out there going through much worse than I, and you know what, I wish I was as strong as them who face their problems with dignity and grace, instead of fear like I am. I don't really know what to do but I know I did the right thing of calling up DCF. Hopefully I would have a caseworker and leave that bleeping place.
Next, what had happened. You see I started to feel down last thursday. I was at the library and just done talking to my friend Marqe. I was working on a signature for a character I have in another forum, and then his cousin Marcus came on. He asked how am I doing and well I told him the truth, which is, "eh". He asked what does eh mean. I mean seriously he's american and he didn't know? I should have told him "well my way of saying blah." But nope what I wrote was, "I'm not in a happy mood leave me alone." It was something I wanted to say to Judy you know? Something different than of that but along the lines. He kept asking me questions like what's wrong, am I crying, and then hello. I logged off. I suddenly felt bad about doing that so when I logged in I got an offline from him saying I was rude, and he doesn't need rude people for friends, and he said sorry I will delete you. Without giving me a chance to explain. Okay so it was my fault. I know that but then suddenly the word "rude" went back to what Judy told me when I was asking a staff member one simple question about why I had to head to the room when Judy is having her birthday party in the back. Everyone (like cattle) had to stay in their rooms. Judy had a party with cake, food, and heck music. At our own house. And yes I know its her party but she could have at least asked us not to head to the back during so and she would leave us the cake or at least allow us to have fun too and sing happy birthday. Nope, while she had all of that all we had was hotdogs on hamburger buns.
Anyway, I also asked the weekend staff if I can close the shades, which I do every night. She then told me Judy said no. And even called her up. I went to the room. Then when Judy came, she was snapping at me saying to mind my own business and that I was rude and fresh (she's from Jamaica though I don't know what she meant by fresh).
Heck once she snapped at me telling me to stop talking. And when I was talking to the owner she told me to pull my head up and stop looking at the ground. I can if I want its MY FREAKING HEAD!
ARGH.
And you know what, it scares me you know? Honestly I AM scared of Judy. I mean you would too if the woman just instantly yells at you. She never at Paul, not once. But to me, Stefano, and Steven even to Ryan, she does. She yells at Christine since well the woman doesn't listen but the point is, why yelling? Why not just calmly? I mean good lord. I tried to tell the owners they don't do nadda and honestly I doubt it would help. I'm so freaking scared. I know the invesigator said that if there is trouble, call her. The owner christine told me the same thing too but ha! Like she can do anything, Judy will continue. But if I tell the person from DCF, she can since she is NOT the owner but is a bit higher. I could just call up Christine too. Besides, if Judy pulls one of her verbal abuse stuff, she can go to jail. Seriously.
Also I was so close to run away. I grabbed all of my clothes from the closet and was going to pack them up in my duffel bag and then start packing up. Its just all the feelings boiled up inside me and I just go, "that's IT." I mean, I had been thinking about it. One of the residents talked to me and yet when I was doing so, the roommate Christine only watched. Didn't say a dang word but watched. What kind of heartless person can do that? I mean here is your roommate, ABOUT TO FREAKING RUN AWAY FOR crying outloud. I was so sad and angry and felt so frustrated. I still want to but I think I'll just get a bus ticket or make sure I have an apartment. That's what I want to do.
However, well, that's for another time. I just wanted to write down ALL of my rants. Thank god for this rant room. So there you have it and you know what, I feel better.
Now I just need to try not to be depressed.
FIRSTLY, I DO NOT LIKE to be treated like I am a BLEEPING slave. I mean basically I DO all the work in the bathroom-the toilet, the mirror, the sink, the silver bar thingies, the window, the walls, the showerhead, the faucets. Heck even the tub! Yesterday I asked my roommate NICELY if she can just for once, do the tub. Her response? "No, I would just do the floor." She always do the floor so why not I DO the freaking floor just once? I mean good lord! But okay back to the slave comment. Oh yes, its true. I usually get told to: "turn off the front porch light" or "turn off the hallway light" when really Judy should just take her lazy butt and turn it off since she walked from that direction. I end up doing everything. Oh and I have to sweep the hallway. Christine (the roommate) never, and the only people that do is me and Ryan. How fair is that?
NOT fair.
Okay now the second thing, Christine the roommate. For some odd reason she had been acting REALLY REALLY odd. Yesterday is a prime example. She turns on her clock radio when I have my radio on for goodness sakes. Okay so maybe she wants to listen to hers, but she should have said like, "hey Tia, would you like to listen to it too?" I would have said "yep here I'll turn down mine." But nope not one word. Next, she leaves the room, watches a bit of tv, and then comes back. This happens every 5 minutes. And then she leaves on the light until it is 11:00. I was speaking to the one who plays Father Michael and he said that maybe she was afraid of the dark. Um no. Because before, she can just lay there with the light off. However, I spoke to the owner and she said if I'm not trying to sleep then yeah. But the thing is, she is WASTING ELECTRICITY. Shoot even I don't turn on my radio that much. I have it on but turned down since I didn't want to loose the way you would have it set up with the stations. But I can just easily put it in. I think from now on to save electricity, one cd per night. Or my tapes. Yep. Anyway back to Christine. So the next weird thing with this woman is, she slams the doors and also locks them. She claimed it was like that. Now you would probably say "Uh yeah right," mostly from the next thing I am about to say. Because, ladies and gentlemen, I HAD WITNESSED her turning the lock. I'm not stupid, okay maybe I am stupid but not totally stupid. I saw her turning that freaking lock so the next time she locks me out the owners would know. Heck one of the owners WAS there pounding the door. She LIED to him saying she didn't. The biggest thing that is shocking is not only she was swearing and called me the other word for Donkey, but, she freaking told the police (I guess when they took her to the hospital or she called up the police from there), that I tried to suffocate her, by putting a blanket over her head. I do that too of putting i t over my head and I'm perfectly fine. I mean what the gods name is that?
The third thing is, I am so agitated, so irritated, and on friday believe it or not I WAS VERY VERY close to pack my bags. I had enough so I called up social services. Judy had to come so the investigator could talk to her but I couldn't sit there. I just couldn't. I went to the room and cried (yet Christine didn't bother asking me if I was alright).
You know I feel very very better of calling them up you know what I'm saying? Maybe I could FINALLY after FOUR years of being there, could leave. All can hope.
However, I'm still scared. Judy might ask me who called them up. But when I called up the abuse hotline, the lady on the phone told me if she did ask me, deny it. I'll do that.
But I still hate the place. I mean more rules were created, and yet we don't feel like we're at a home. To me its NOT a home. Home is where you can come in without knocking on the door, have a key with you, and be able to share in cleaning the WHOLE house. Home is where you go to the house, and just relax and talk with the staff that is working there, laugh, and have a good time. Home is where you feel safe.
The thing is I don't.
So there may be others out there going through much worse than I, and you know what, I wish I was as strong as them who face their problems with dignity and grace, instead of fear like I am. I don't really know what to do but I know I did the right thing of calling up DCF. Hopefully I would have a caseworker and leave that bleeping place.
Next, what had happened. You see I started to feel down last thursday. I was at the library and just done talking to my friend Marqe. I was working on a signature for a character I have in another forum, and then his cousin Marcus came on. He asked how am I doing and well I told him the truth, which is, "eh". He asked what does eh mean. I mean seriously he's american and he didn't know? I should have told him "well my way of saying blah." But nope what I wrote was, "I'm not in a happy mood leave me alone." It was something I wanted to say to Judy you know? Something different than of that but along the lines. He kept asking me questions like what's wrong, am I crying, and then hello. I logged off. I suddenly felt bad about doing that so when I logged in I got an offline from him saying I was rude, and he doesn't need rude people for friends, and he said sorry I will delete you. Without giving me a chance to explain. Okay so it was my fault. I know that but then suddenly the word "rude" went back to what Judy told me when I was asking a staff member one simple question about why I had to head to the room when Judy is having her birthday party in the back. Everyone (like cattle) had to stay in their rooms. Judy had a party with cake, food, and heck music. At our own house. And yes I know its her party but she could have at least asked us not to head to the back during so and she would leave us the cake or at least allow us to have fun too and sing happy birthday. Nope, while she had all of that all we had was hotdogs on hamburger buns.
Anyway, I also asked the weekend staff if I can close the shades, which I do every night. She then told me Judy said no. And even called her up. I went to the room. Then when Judy came, she was snapping at me saying to mind my own business and that I was rude and fresh (she's from Jamaica though I don't know what she meant by fresh).
Heck once she snapped at me telling me to stop talking. And when I was talking to the owner she told me to pull my head up and stop looking at the ground. I can if I want its MY FREAKING HEAD!
ARGH.
And you know what, it scares me you know? Honestly I AM scared of Judy. I mean you would too if the woman just instantly yells at you. She never at Paul, not once. But to me, Stefano, and Steven even to Ryan, she does. She yells at Christine since well the woman doesn't listen but the point is, why yelling? Why not just calmly? I mean good lord. I tried to tell the owners they don't do nadda and honestly I doubt it would help. I'm so freaking scared. I know the invesigator said that if there is trouble, call her. The owner christine told me the same thing too but ha! Like she can do anything, Judy will continue. But if I tell the person from DCF, she can since she is NOT the owner but is a bit higher. I could just call up Christine too. Besides, if Judy pulls one of her verbal abuse stuff, she can go to jail. Seriously.
Also I was so close to run away. I grabbed all of my clothes from the closet and was going to pack them up in my duffel bag and then start packing up. Its just all the feelings boiled up inside me and I just go, "that's IT." I mean, I had been thinking about it. One of the residents talked to me and yet when I was doing so, the roommate Christine only watched. Didn't say a dang word but watched. What kind of heartless person can do that? I mean here is your roommate, ABOUT TO FREAKING RUN AWAY FOR crying outloud. I was so sad and angry and felt so frustrated. I still want to but I think I'll just get a bus ticket or make sure I have an apartment. That's what I want to do.
However, well, that's for another time. I just wanted to write down ALL of my rants. Thank god for this rant room. So there you have it and you know what, I feel better.
Now I just need to try not to be depressed.
