Blah...

[letthedreambegin]

Blah, I use that word too much, but often it works to suit my mood just perfectally, more often than not.

I started this summer off very optimistic, a new start, moving states, a chance to wipe my slate clean and get a brand new outlook on life. Fat chance of that happening.

I wasn't happy where I was living, nothing was really going right. My friends were horrible, my dad no longer cared, my brother tried to kill me every other night and the rest of the family just wanted to brush everything off and say that the world was perfectly fine. AT the end of my rope, I told them I had enough, and I needed to go. I chose to live with my mom, a huge jump as previously I had thought my mom cause a lot of stuff in my life to go wrong. But I was wrong to blame her.

So there I go, pack up my bags and off to another state where I know practically..no one. At first it was hard yes, but I told myself it would get easier. The more demanding marching band would soon feel like home, my room would soon feel like my room and my house would feel like a familar site.

Well, that was four months ago. Shouldn't things change by now? I don't feel at home at all, and things just keep getting worse. I don't get along with my mother, or any other adults up here. The people...we'll they're diffrent. A lot diffrent, I've met no one who shares any interests with me. My home, my room still feels strange to me.

Ontop of that, I turned sixteen. Sweet Sixteen right? A big party, friends family, the works right? Damn I havent even gotten a cake and my birthday was last month. No party, no one sung to me, nothing, no friends to spend a sweet 16th with. My mother told me happy birthday, and I suppose I am grateful she remembered. I just feel..empty. And worn out with trying to fit in and trying to make everyone happy. A part of me is ready to give in, and go back to where I was living. Even if I wasn't happy it was still home.

All of this in turn has effected my creativity, which means I really can't draw or write to get it all out. I've tried talking to my mother, but she seems to get angry with me every time I say I dont feel..happy or at home yet. Saying that she bought me all these things and Im not grateful. I have no one really to talk to, my friends from where I used to live I can comunicate with, but they never want to listen anyways. I feel lost..overwhelmed, and had the strong need to rant.

[daria]

I'm terribly sorry Alex! I'm not really sure on what to say. Happy belated birthday doesn't seem like enough.