Post by nick on Nov 19, 2009 20:30:43 GMT -5
;;Nicholas James Brown;;
Is Entering Sins of Impunity
Is Entering Sins of Impunity
It’s All About You
Behind the Puppet Master
::NAME::[/blockquote]
Nick
::AGE:
17
::GENDER::
Let me check real quick. Yeah, there’s a penis.
::RP EXPERIENCE::
For too long. 2004-ish.
::CONTACTING YOU::
Text me, k? Seriously though, just IM me. Or email, but who the hell uses that still?
::ACTIVITY::
Hell if I know. Whenever I feel like Rping. Texas-time, baby.
::THE PUPPETS::
Yes, I am the Admin. I know, I shocked even myself.
The Identification Tag
Character Basics
::ALIAS::
Nick, The Slayer, Saint, #13
::NAME::
Nicholas James Brown
::AGE:: 23
::GENDER:: Male
::ORIENTATION::
Straight, but if you’ve got the money, honey…
::SPECIES::
Human
::JOB::
N/A
::RELIGIOUS AFFILATION::
Unaffiliated
Where Your Abilities Fall
The Character Talents
::STRENGTHS::
1. Combat
2. Pain Tolerence
3. Partial Insanity
4. Strong Connections
::SUMMARY::
Since the youthful days long gone past of pre-puberty, Nick has been a player in the constant struggle between humanity and non-humanity. Originally relying on his own style of self-made ass kicking, as Nick progressed in years he became a student of many teachers, whether they be human, were, vampire or otherwise. From these teachers he learned many lessons and gained many skills, all of them applicable in his constant battle with the non-humans. Able to dangerously wield any weapon known to man, and a few known only monkeys, Nick’s combat skills are a threat to anything in existence, himself included.
Having been subjected to a number of injuries over the years, whether they be physical, mental or not of this world, Nick has developed a terrible tolerance to pain that allows him to keep on going when your average human, or hunter for that matter, would just plain quit. Able to survive attacks to the mind, body and soul, Nick can endure just about any battle with the supernatural and some deviants of ape.
Whether actually true or not, Nick has been dubbed clinically insane in nearly every country he has visited, and some he has not, due to the traumatic experiences he has endured over his short life. Indeed, the affairs of Angels and Demons, Vampires and Werewolves, France and Canada are not something that your average human can comprehend and still remain sane. Nick, unfortunately, experiences these affairs on a daily basis and it has had a direct affect on his psyche. Being as much a strength as it is a weakness, Nick has little to no fear (other than spiders) and will gleefully thrust himself into a dangerous situation without prior thought on the matter, and then justify his actions later. He is also prone to bouts of sporadic nudity and varying levels of mass murder. His logic is, as they say, in a league of its own.
Due to his past in many different organizations for varying lengths of time, Nick has accumulated literally hundreds of connections all over the world. Whether they are politicians, drug dealers, arms dealers, hunters, priests, superheroes or the occasional rival pokemon trainer, Nick can call in many a favor to get him out/in to any bind.
::WEAKNESSES::
1. Irrational Fear of Spiders
2. Money
3. Women
4. Humor
5. Milk Products
6. Random Hallucinations
7. Memory Loss
::SUMMARY::
Stemming from a childhood experience with a tarantula, Nick has a chronic fear of spiders that can shake even his indomitable will, which in his case would be an indomitable will, unless spiders seek to dominate, in which case they will. Seriously, he has been known to be in the heat of battle with thirty Cambodians, his knife held to a 346-pound mountain of muscle’s neck with full intent to kill when suddenly he is frozen solid by the appearance of a wolf spider. Don’t even get him started on Demon Spiders…
Once going on a hiatus from the whole ‘Vampire and Werewolf killing thing’, Nick was a mercenary for a short period of time. It was at this time that he developed a insatiable love for money to buy useless things. He has been known to spend copious amounts of money on extra-soft toilet paper, gold-plated silver bullets, strippers and Negro college funds.
Nick is undoubtedly a sucker for any woman, whether she be human or otherwise. This has lead to some sticky situations when he realized she was a bloodsucker and he had to shove a stake in her chest. He, however, has always enjoyed the phallic implications of such an act.
Often going out of his way and into harm’s, Nick has a persnickety love for humor. Rather then simply shoot a Vampire in the chest, Nick would much rather lead the Vampire on an hour-long chase through a city populated with people to ultimately drop a piano on a vampire’s head. Because that’s classic funny. Do not think I am joking.
Nick was diagnosed with lactose intolerance not long after becoming a Hunter. Though initially willing to adjust his diet to not upset his body’s hatred for lactose, as Nick aged he began to hypothesize that the source of his lactose intolerance is none other than the Vampire hordes. As such, he now goes out of his way to chug milk just to prove that the Vampires do not have control over him. This does not bode well for his body, unfortunately.
A side-effect of the earlier stated hallucinogenic that resulted in Nick’s strength, speed, reflexes and senses expanding to almost inhuman heights, Nick is prone to seeing things that are not there. He once burned an orphanage for abandoned kittens to the ground because he saw the kittens as spiders. After learning that it was in fact an orphanage for little kittens, Nick justified his actions by saying “You never know. Spiders are tricky little fuckers.”
Whether it be due to the numerous blows to the head Nick has experienced over the years, his failing mental state, or even perhaps the odd assortment of poultices, potions and illegal substances he has consumed over the years, Nick has a terrible inability to remember facts of his past. The prolific art of killing unholies is not lost, but rather his past identity. He has no knowledge of friends who were not contacts, no known traces to his family other than the empty home that he once lived in as a youth. This also results in Nick performing terrible, heinous acts that he himself condemns with no knowledge of it ever occurring.
The More Human Side of Things
Human Appearance
[/size]
::HAIR:: Long dark brown hair with sporadic strands of black and blonde mingling amongst it. Nonconforming style; you would be hard-pressed to find two lengths of hair that are the same.
::EYES:: Gray primarily, but tend to change color for no apparent reason. Also, they are bloodshot damn near constantly.
::HEIGHT:: 6’5
::WEIGHT:: 275
:MARKS:: Numerous scars all over the body, a tattoo of a black dagger upon the right shoulder, piercings in both ears as well as a silver hoop on his lip, bite marks on the right side of his neck
::SKIN TONE:: Fair
::BODY TYPE:: Well Cut
::CLOTHES:: Whatever he deems appropriate, which very well may be anything.
::SUMMARY::
Effectively standing at 6’5, Nick has the appearance, and experience, of being a soldier long before his time. Countless scars and old wounds of varying shape and size are stretched across his muscular body, the black dagger on his right shoulder the only artistically pleasing design. His eyes, gray and cloudy, have heavy bags beneath them proclaiming endlessly sleepless nights. The heavy, almost make-up like, circles around his eyes also a side effect of his nightly routine. His hair is long and dark brown, the ends of his hair split and falling wherever they may please, uniformity not common amongst the lengths. Stubble graces his face, but it’s not like he gets to shave often. Both of his ears are pierced with a single silver hoop, though on the right ear there is a suspended chain with a black crystal at the bottom. His bottom lip is pierced with a silver hoop on the left side. On the side of his neck there are the bite marks of a vampire, though usually he covers this up with a band-aid.
Personality is Everything
How They Might Act
::LIKES::[/size]
1. Women
2. Cheese
3. Shiny Things
4. Seth Rogen
5. Humans
6. Money
7. Taco Bell
8. Pirates
9. Shooting People
10. Batman
::DISLIKES::
1. Spiders
2. Vampires
3. Were-whatevers
4. Clingy Women
5. Sleep
6. God(s) (All of Them)
7. Canada
8. Children
9. Ninjas
10. Authority Figures
11. Men
::FLAWS::
1. Mean
2. Rude
3. Violent
4. Anti-Religious
5. ‘Insanity’
6. Likes to Walk in the Nude, during the Day
7. Bad with Kids
8. Can’t keep a Job
9. Perverted, towards anything
19. Anti-Social toward the ‘normal’ people
::BLESSINGS::
1. Loyal to the Human Race
2. Sporadic Instances of Brilliance
3. Can kill shit. Kill it good.
4. Unworldly Knowledge
5. Can speak ‘The Language of Love’
6. Can Justify Any Action
7. Utterly Eccentric
::SUMMARY::
Over the years, Nick’s failing mental state has caused significant damage to his personality. He is sporadic, independent of outside logic and prone to bloodthirstiness. However, there are still some traits from his long forgotten past that still show through him to this very day.
Ever since his youth he has had a pornographer’s fondness for women and a irrational fear of spiders. This has evolved into cruel game that plays on in his nightmares, where he often portrays Tarzan saving a redheaded Jane from a tiger’s grasp. Just as he is about to kiss her, she is suddenly ripped from his arms by a twelve-foot tall spider. He is then devoured by the spider and wakes up in the fetal position.
The other traits of Nick’s personality stem from his unofficial job as a Hunter. Ever since his first ‘death’ and his brief glimpse of hell, Nick has been vehemently against the concept of religion and, in turn, God. From that moment onward he dedicated his life to the art of combat, and has killed dozens of things that would make old people die of heart attacks. Unfortunately, this has affected Nick’s ability to bond with people who don’t also live in his world of demons, vampires and werewolves. He hates children because he envies their innocence and because they are always scared of him. Though he possess the knowledge and experience to be a well-mannered, smooth-talking agent he much rather prefers to drop the f-bomb and urinate in public.
In a life he doesn’t even remember, Nick was considered one of the most gifted students in the entirety of the United States (Which isn’t saying much). Over the years, his brilliance has been deeply hidden behind his irrational fear of spiders and dependence on humor, but it occasionally shines through in his darkest hours.
Checking Out the Background
Historical Stuff
::FAMILY MEMBERS::[/size]
The entirety of his family, for all he knows, are long dead.
::SCHOOL::
Charlotte Middle School
::GRADUATION YEAR::
Dropped out in Eighth Grade
::HISTORY::
Before Becoming a Hunter
I’m not going to bore you with the mundane facts of Nick’s early life. For all accounts and purposes, it was a perfectly normal childhood for a white kid on the south side of San Antonio. Sure, he had his fair share of experiences with the law, and sure he knew the street value of an ounce of marijuana before he knew who George Washington was, but these were just useful things to pick up on. I mean, really, his life didn’t even pick up until he moved out of San Antonio and into the rural country. That, ladies and gentlemen, is when he ran into his first werewolf and future best friend.
Shortly after he began attending Charlotte Middle School, Nick ran into a boy around his age named Richard. Richard was, by all accounts, a friendly young man with a voracious appetite, a love of music and a fondness of night. They instantly clicked. For many weeks they were the best of friends and were nearly inseparable. It was truly a Disney movie thing, only they were people and Disney hates having people in their movies. Anyway, one night they are out doing their nightly things, when suddenly Richard’s eye catches a glimpse of the full moon. Suddenly he begins transforming into a werewolf, right in front of a completely shocked Nick’s eyes. Nick, who is scared senseless by this account, turns around and begins running as fast as he can to get the hell out of there.
Don’t worry, folks, they were still friends in the end, though it was a bit awkward at first.
Anyway, Nick had his first taste of the supernatural at that point, though by no means did he decide to become a Hunter then and there. Hell, the only supernatural creature he had run into was his best friend, and he had no intention of killing him. Time passes, the bond grows, etc. etc. etc.
One day Nick and his family decided to spend the day at the local aquarium, which was over a 100 miles away. After a long and tedious drive, which agitated the thirteen-year-old Nick endlessly, they finally reached the aquarium. After spending about an hour exploring the beautiful fish and large tanks of water, they finally came to the aquarium’s chief attraction: Pet the Killer Whale. As Nick climbed up the ladder that would bring him to the platform over the whale’s tank, the whale took notice of Nick’s shiny necklace. When Nick reached over into the tank to pet the whale, the whale slammed into the platform, knocked Nick into the water and held Nick under with his gigantic girth. And so, Nick died.
Hell, the Underworld, whatever you want to call it, lay stretched out before him. It is not entirely known what Nick suffered in the nine seconds he was dead, even to himself, but it was enough to impart knowledge of all things evil, horrible and unjust into his mind. When they resuscitated him, the salty liquid of the whale’s thank shooting out of his lungs, he let out a scream that did not end until his voice was hoarse and useless.
From that moment on, in his childish innocence, he decided to dedicate his life to the destruction of all these evils he had learned of.
Early Hunting Years
Ill equipped and ill trained for his chosen life, Nick stopped attending school and ran away to Vice City. After his first encounter with a Vampire, which Nick foolishly thought he could take on with only a pipe he had found, Nick was left near-death. By his luck he was found by an elderly man, a long-time hunter of Vampires and Werewolves. The old man took him under his arm and taught him the foundations of what was to become his hunting style. For many months he studied under the old man, learning how to tell a Vampire out from a crowd, to study the occurrence of full moons, to steady a gun upon the forearm. Unfortunately, the old man’s greatest lesson was brought on by his own death: Humans, though how much we may train, are still constantly on the disadvantage to the undead. Though far from being one of the best there was, Nick could hold sufficiently his own in a fight with the inexperienced immortal.
And so Nick began his career in the foulest den of unholy activity in the whole of the Americas. It goes without saying that he did not die, or, rather, did not die permanently, so in that way alone he was already better than the majority of his peers. Through a mixture of his knowledge of the after-life, his budding skills and dumb luck he killed his fair share of the newly turned Vampires and Werewolves, learning from every mistake he made and embracing the bloodshed that occurred. With an almost childish way to his actions, Nick caused nearly as much chaos as he solved, often times killing innocent humans while on his journey to save innocent humans.
Though his journeys to kill the undead took him many places, such as to nude Brazilian beaches and Russian military bases, Nick spent a majority of his time in Vice City surrounded by people who thought that they were the main characters of life’s story. This often got on Nick’s nerves, causing him to remark that they were stupid and unremarkable. As such, Nick’s closest friend remained to be Richard, who also traveled with him to Vice City. The irony of his best friend being a werewolf was completely lost on Nick.
Around his fifteenth birthday, Nick managed to stumble upon an old abandoned house in the ghettos of Vice City that slightly resembled his old home in San Antonio, and as such he claimed it as his own. Invoking the Right of the Hunter, a made up law that stated he could claim anything as his own in the battle against evil, Nick killed the inhabitants of the home and staked it out as his own base of operations. It wasn’t until afterwards that he learned the home had been owned by Lycans, and by dumb luck he had taken them unawares as he slew them. Unfortunately for Nick, his home was located dead center in the middle of a den of immortal villainy. Fortunately, he was too dense to realize this, and so he lived in relative peace. Or, rather, he lived in relative peace for a human living werewolves, which wasn’t peace at all.
And so the teenage Nick spent his days fighting off werewolves and his night hunting vampires. This left him tired and dazed for a majority of the time, but he fought through this regardless. The few times he did manage to sleep his dreams were clouded with unusual appearances by faceless men with heavy voices and bitter warnings, though it was rare that he would remember any of his dreams after he awoke.
After passing out after fighting off a pack of werewolves, who luckily remained in their human forms, Nick awoke to find himself lying before a pulpit with a man, whose form was shrouded in a bright light, standing behind it. He simply pointed down, and in that instant Nick snapped back into reality. He spent the next week scouring the many, many churches of Vice City until he could find a scene that resembled that as in his dream. Finding his dream to have been stolen from a monolithic cathedral in downtown Vice City, Nick entered the cathedral mid-mass with a sledgehammer in hand. To the surprise of the many Catholics, Nick took to pulverizing the pulpit with his sledgehammer, his dirty appearance and crazed look keeping all but the most devout Catholics from uttering a phrase (The only man to actually try to stop Nick from his actions was later rushed to the nearest hospital with his skull smashed in. He did not survive.). Though he did not know what compelled him to pulverize the pulpit, beneath the stone wreckage Nick found a silver box. Within that box he found his first non-generic weapon, and something that would grow to become as renowned as the teenage hunter himself. The Holy Shotgun.
A semi-legendary crafted by hunters of long past, The Holy Shotgun was in the shape of a cross and was covered in a number of runes that would burn any immortal that dared touch it. It came with a limited supply of ammo for the unique weapon, but a tome was within the box as well that taught Nick how to make the holy bullets. With this weapon in hand, Nick’s killing rate increased exponentially.
The Slayer
With Holy Shotgun in hand, Nick adopted the persona of The Slayer. Donning a black duster, wide-brimmed black hat and a large silver cross, Nick’s image began to become heavily feared in the inner circles of Vampires, Lycans and Humans alike. Turning his attention to the plagues that beset humanity that were not of a supernatural crime, Nick’s already wretched sleeping schedule became even more so. He began to murder known criminals, assassinate corrupted officials, and develop a friendly association with other Hunters.
Even as his work increased, so did the time he spent sharpening his skills. Learning prayers and chants to ward off evil spirits as well as those unholy creatures that plagued the planet, Nick spent a growing amount of time in a variety of different churches, temples and synagogues. Learning the hunting tactics of others, not all of which were normal (even by the stretched normalcy of hunters), on top of his growing selection of non-combat related skills, Nick, or rather, The Slayer, had grown into a world-renowned Hunter of talent comparable to the very best.
And then, out of nowhere, he disappeared.
Les Soldats Noir
Though he was definitely one of the best publicly known Hunters, he was nothing if you threw in the secret Hunters. Les Soldats Noir, The Black Soldiers, were a group operating out of France that consisted of some of the best Immortal Hunters in the world. With official license to kill in nearly every government in the world, fancy vehicles, and training unavailable anywhere else in the world, they had everything in the world to entice Nick to join. The only cost was to cut loose all ties to his past, which Nick did in an instant. After eliminating all traces of his past, burning away his fingerprints and shaving him bald, Nick abandoned the guise of The Slayer and became known simply as #13. The only tie to his past they could not destroy was The Holy Shotgun, though Les Soldats Noir were not exactly eager to destroy the semi-legendary artifact and as such let Nick keep it.
He was sent him on several missions that took him all over the world. Sometimes teaming up with other incredibly skilled men and women, Nick helped bring down some of the most powerful Vampire dens, Werewolf packs, Necromancers, and other unnatural creatures of the time. Learning of the existence of other types of Weres, which up until that point was merely a laughable rumor to him, Nick adopted new tactics to bring down all number of were-creatures, whether they be wolf, cow, duck or otherwise.
After an especially horrific mission that resulted in the death of three other Hunters, Nick unofficially resigned from Les Soldats Noir and returned home to Vice City. Not ones to let anyone not of their organization know of their existence, Nick has ever since been hunt down by the very organization he used to serve.
Insanity and Tepes
Tiring of his constant assault by Les Soldats Noir members as well as the usual Vampires and Werewolves, Nick fled Vice City and sought refuge in Russia. Cutting himself off from civilization, Nick lived as a hermit for a couple of years, during which time he learned how to cultivate herbs and create salves and potions to amplify his own strength and endurance. One day, an old man with a long gray beard and a heavy scar across his face visited Nick. The man proclaimed he had been sent by God himself to teach Nick the entirety of his knowledge before he died, which Nick found utterly preposterous. However, Nick’s hunger for knowledge got the better of him and so he welcomed the old man into his home. Over the next two months the old man taught Nick the ins and outs of long forgotten purification rites, ritualistic magic, and ancient lore. Though it was roughly half useless, the other half served to make Nick and even more and deadly Hunter. One night, after spending many hours collecting rare flowers and fungi, the old man made Nick a concoction that he claimed would allow Nick to possess the strength of a Demon. While slightly unsure of whether or not this was a good thing, Nick consumed the concoction and as such sealed his fate.
Immediately, Nick was immersed in a world that was not his own. Much resembling the Hell he had experienced in his youth, Nick was plagued with a heart-stilling fear. Suddenly, he was beset by monsters that appeared like none he had seen before. Fleeing, Nick spent the next two weeks running from these monstrosities, though he found neither shelter nor solace in his entire time. The only sources of water he could find burned like acid as he drank them, and there was not a bit of food around. He was soon stuck between his unwavering fear of the monsters and his starving body. Having decided that death should suit him better than this forever existence of running and starving, Nick mustered what little strength he had left and made a stand against the monster horde. Using only his fists, Nick fought three-headed dragon men with hide so hard it made his skin bleed upon intact. Though Nick fought as hard as he could, he was eventually devoured, the monsters long, sharp teeth piercing his flesh over and over again until there was nothing left of him.
He was resurrected in this dream world over and over again, and every time he decided to stop and fight back the monsters would devour him. For what felt like years this process was repeated, and over time Nick’s mental state deteriorated. At the brink of insanity Nick was resurrected a final time. When the monsters fell upon him, Nick did not resist at all as they ripped him to pieces. As the flesh was torn from his body, he felt himself being swallowed by the dragons. Every bite they took, every piece they clawed off, every drop of blood he felt. But not only did he feel it, he controlled it. In his insanity, Nick learned how to remotely manipulate his body, and as such destroyed the dragon men from the inside out. Piecing himself together by pure will, Nick finally awoke from his hallucination.
Returning back to reality, Nick found himself face-to-face with the old man. The old man smiled a toothless grin and congratulated Nick on his success. Offering Nick a gift, the brilliant silver-gilded sword Tepes, the old man asked him how his experience went. Nick, whose mind was utterly destroyed and his memories twisted and tainted beyond all recognition, took the blade Tepes and beheaded the man in one swift motion. He stripped naked, grabbed The Holy Shotgun (because it was shiny) and ran out of the house with the bloodied Tepes in hand. He wandered through the Russian wilderness for months, eventually adorning himself with the crude hide of hunted animals and finding civilization. Relying on the few memories the now crazed Nick did possess in clarity, he stowed on a ship headed for America and made his triumphant return at the age of 22.
Recent Events
Though he possessed little memory of his personal past, the knowledge of the Immortals and how to kill them was still fresh in his head. Aided by his insanity, and the skills associated with it, Nick once again became a Hunter. Well, occasionally. Sometimes he grew bored of this and became a mercenary, and some times he was a schoolteacher, and some times he worked at a McDonalds. He actions became pattern-less and sporadic, ranging from bloodthirsty to saint-like. For two years this has gone on, and his return to the Hunter scene has not gone unnoticed. He now lives in Central Park in a big tree, which he refers to as The Death Star.
Your Own Mad Skills
How Good Are You?
::CODE WORD::[/size]
Fuck you’re mashed potatoe, and fuck you’re damned twiste! I’m too good to do that shit!
::APPLICATION STATUS::
Complete
::RP EXAMPLE::
Do I seriously have to do this? I mean, I’m pretty sure most of the staff remembers my awesomeness. ;3
The sprawling staircase hugged the walls of the lighthouse until it reached the brilliant light at the top, the cracked cement not giving the steps much credibility. There was the stench of seawater and blood, though if you came to a lighthouse not expecting it you were a damn idiot. It was a well-known fact in the Hunter community that Vampires brought the new members of their hellish society to a lighthouse to take part in a massive orgy known as the ‘Penetration Indoctrination’. Or, maybe they didn’t. Nick couldn’t really tell, his memory wasn’t exactly what it used to be, but he really hoped that he was right.
The heel of his leather-strapped boot touched the first step and released a screech befitting a devil’s ghoul. “What manner of creature are you?!” Nick exclaimed, an index finger pointed squarely at his boot. His outburst drew the attention of unwanted visitors, and in an instant they were upon him. Vampiric masters and mistresses of the nights, with fangs still wet in the blood of the innocent, howled and lunged at The Slayer. Nick, however, was too interested in the demon that had apparently taken residence in his boot. As he bent over to inspect his boot, a Vampire flew over his bent image and collided with the cement staircase, his skull releasing a sickening crack as his brains turned to mush.
“Human, what business do you have in our home?!” Nick didn’t hear the question, his boot had full command over his attention. Withdrawing a knife from the very boot he wished to remove, Nick held the knife up next to his head and proceeded to slash the boot from his body. Dipped in liquid silver and bearing the Star of David, the knife kept the Vampires at bay out of fear that it may be used against them. Or maybe it was just their interest in the Human who seem determined to hack off his foot that kept them still. It didn’t really matter.
His foot free from his possessed boot, Nick’s attention turned to the Vampires. “What are you doing in my home?” Nick demanded, jabbing at them in the fashion of an old man with a cane. Only his cane was a holified knife. The Vampires drew back in feigned fear as one of their brethren crept down the stairs behind Nick. “Why, back in my day, I would show you whippersnappers a thing or two about respect-“ Nick’s sentence was cut short as a Vampire threw himself against Nick’s back, a long-fingered grasp holding Nick’s windpipe. The Vampiric horde descended upon Nick and, amidst curses and struggle, proceeded to beat him to a pulp. In a matter of minutes Nick was dead, yet another foolish victim to wonder into the abandoned lighthouse.
“Wait, that couldn’t have happened.”
Nick’s eyes snapped up from the pigeons he was feeding, the small black child that stood before him had her arms crossed. “You’re still alive, so you’re story is a lie!”
“Shuddup, kid. The moral of the story is don’t wear boots.”
“But that never hap-“
“DON’T WEAR FUCKING BOOTS! THEY MAKE YOU DEAD!”
The barefoot Nick sprung up from his bench and plucked a pigeon off of the ground. Throwing the bird at the child’s face, which was now covered in her tears, Nick proceeded to remark on the promiscuity of the seven-year-old’s mother. The child ran away traumatized for life. Satisfied that he had saved yet another soul from utter damnation, Nick returned to feeding his pigeons. An especially large pigeon then pecked Nick’s bare pinky toe, which caused Nick to howl in pain.
“If only I had my boots!”
