Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 1, 2011 9:31:16 GMT -5
I said to my wife, "Do you hear that? No one whining, moaning or complaining. The sound of silence. It's beautiful isn't it?"
And put her urn back on the mantelpiece.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 2, 2011 10:25:06 GMT -5
Kid: Mum can I wear a mini-skirt today?
Mum: No!
Kid: Can I wear lipstick?
Mum: No!
Kid: Can I wear high heels?
Mum: No!
Kid: But mum! I'm 18 years old!
Mum: I know John, I know...
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 3, 2011 8:02:28 GMT -5
I heard that Justin Bieber has a 10 inch cock.
It's in his ass and belongs to Usher.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 4, 2011 10:50:27 GMT -5
I was chatting to a girl in a club last night.
She said to me, "Can I have your mobile number?"
I said, "No way, I've had that number for years."
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 5, 2011 8:26:09 GMT -5
Chicken and egg walk into a bar, barman says "Right, who's first?"
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
|
Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 7, 2011 8:25:49 GMT -5
I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.
I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.
AND (because I was out all day)
My teenage son came home last week and said, 'Dad, there's something I have to tell you. I've been trying for years to come to terms with it, but the fact is I'm gay.'
That must have taken some courage to say. I wonder how he's coming to terms with being homeless?
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 8, 2011 8:38:37 GMT -5
Let me tell you the fable of the Atheist and The Christian.
Once there was an Atheist named Mark. He didn't believe in God and as a result realized that there was no point in anything and had no morals. He made a fortune out of exploiting starving Ethiopian children and selling women as slaves on a black market to the highest bidder. He made loads and loads of money and retired to a Mediterranean villa next to the sea, with servants and concubines at his beck and call.
Living in parallel with Mark, is a Christian, named Oliver. He believes in God, Jesus and the Bible and spends his life giving everything to charity and helping aid organizations. He gets scammed and scammed all over again because he turns the other cheek and so never has a pot to piss in.
Both men are on their deathbeds, and Oliver, in a frenzy of anger at God, curses God as he believes that God has treated him unfairly, and hasn't rewarded him for his lifetime of servitude. He dies immediately after saying this and goes straight to hell for denouncing God.
Mark on the other hand is on his deathbed and suddenly realizes that Christianity is right, and that there is a God, and that Free Will exists, and that Jesus died to save us, and that all suffering is in God's divine plan, and so his last living act is to pray to God and apologize for his life of exploiting starving Africans, selling prostitutes, smuggling drugs inside babies and scamming charities. Because he does this, Mark goes to heaven.
And that my friends, is Christian logic.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 9, 2011 9:39:26 GMT -5
I wonder if Buzz and Woody ever met any of Andy's mum's toys?
Especially since they probably have the same names...
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 10, 2011 7:50:56 GMT -5
Two Jews met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each other's back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," said the first Jew.
"Yes," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your round."
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 11, 2011 8:42:54 GMT -5
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 12, 2011 8:01:12 GMT -5
My mother in-law is in hospital and has been told that she hasn't got long left to live. In the middle of night the phone started ringing.
"You best run down and get that love! It might be some news about your mum," I said.
My wife jumped out the bed and dashed down the stairs. She picked up the phone in panic and said, "Hello."
"Be a babe and bring us a glass of water up," I said down my mobile.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 13, 2011 9:21:06 GMT -5
Britain is one of the first nations to send search and rescue teams to Japan.
Probably because of all the experience gained during the 2.6 magnitude Stoke-on-Trent quake of 1963.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 14, 2011 10:32:12 GMT -5
883812
My young son was wearing a red cape earlier, "Good lad," I said, "wanting to grow up to be a superhero, eh? Fighting crime and doing good deeds like Batman or Superman."
"No," he replied, "I'm off to Grandma's house." And off he skipped.
Gay twat
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 15, 2011 7:29:59 GMT -5
I'm absolutely gutted. Some cunt has wiped my bank account, stole the fucking lot.
Just a good job I won the Nigerian lottery the other week.
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Urjasz Volkova
Were-Wolf
SHAUN SULLIVAN
Were-hyena
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot further with a smile and a gun
Posts: 653
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Post by Urjasz Volkova on Mar 16, 2011 11:23:57 GMT -5
Americans are now saying the earthquake in Japan is karma for Pearl Harbour.
I personally can't wait for the karma waiting to happen for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
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