Dear Santa

[rowan kestrel amber]

Nov 28, 2008 23:13:56 GMT -5 Blane Reed said:

Dear Santa

I know yeah, i am at the top of the Naughty list, but, give me another chance.

I know this might seem like i belong at the top of the Naughty list still, I would like my balls on my wall. As for everything else, i would like what Sam puts it, Orgasam on a disc called Left 4 Dead. Along with that great new Need For Speed: Undercover. Oh and could you also kill Amoura?

You dearest enemy, Minyo.


PS: I will have those lovely chocolate chip cookies you do love so much. But as a good person, ill leave some Rum & Coke. Its better than that G&T LT has up for you.

That's the best thing that could ever happen to Minyo. Wanting his balls on his wall. How nice. Isi would get a kick out of that.

[The Janitor]

Nov 28, 2008 23:13:56 GMT -5 Blane Reed said:

But as a good person, ill leave some Rum & Coke.

If I ever decide to become an alcoholic I've found my drinking buddy.

[thievesofmidnight]

Dear Santa of 2008,

Though I have brutally, through the years, found new ways of hunting and torturing your predecessors...

I realize I am not on your Naughty list for the Santa Corpse's fear of mutilation. But I will admit that I have been naughty. I have some sort of.. remains of each of your brothers before you. I could leave them tacked to the fireplace so that, when you come through, you'll feel their presence is with you. Like God.

I've left cookies and milk for you, though I doubt you'll touch it as I'm sure you've been informed of your late brother learning to take deep breaths and eat through his throat. He drank acid. I'm sorry about that. I left that out there in case the children tried to come out for a late night snack. My siblings and I ate Merrily and heartily for five months due to the... explosives atop my home. Rest assured, I have not set up any traps for you.

The only thing I want for Christmas is the M.I.N.E. I miss him terribly, you see, as I am sure you miss your brethren in Sleigh. Should you be kind and bring him to me, I will never hunt your kind again. To you all at Santa Corpse, it will be as if Christ walked the earth again. But...

If you don't or you hurt him...

I will hunt you. I will hunt you like a starving bob cat to a little defenseless fawn. I will tear a hole in your girth with my b-a-r-e fucking hands... I will rip the FAT from your gut and make the Christmas Soap I've been wanting to send to my friends and family. I will use your boots to go fishing in the dead of summer and grind your body into Christmas Sprinkles so that I may spread the Christmas Cheer... Via cookies.

I will take your reindeer and slaughter every one of them in new, unorthodox ways that will go down in history. No one will be able to do what I will and have done. And, as for your brethren in Sleigh...

Well, they'll have Christmas Stockings all their own, now won't they..?

Not sure what that means? Do you really want to find out. Bring HIM.

~~Constance Marie

[brocklesnarufc87]

Dear Santa,

I may not have been the most behaved, but there's still a few things I want and need. My list includes:

- High School Musical dying out for good
- Twilight dying a horrible death
- Get people to stop loving vampires and hate them, and bow down to the werewolves/lycans

And....

- A job for me
- A GOOD QUALITY LAPTOP! NO COMPAQ pieces of shit!

^_^

[The Janitor]

Dear Santa,

Instead of an instrument of destruction with which to annoy LT I'll settle for one of these:

The Glasgow Munchy Box

I take back everything I said about the UK's food. After consumption I'll use it as a basis to create an edible goodness that shall cause the fast food, junk food, and semi-fast food gods to unite into one big box of heart attack. It shall also revolutionize the Stoner Thanksgiving.

-Janitor-

[Lady Thorn]

Dear Santa,

Despite previous indications of only being interested in my own comfort, welfare and wants, I wish to prove that I have some spirit of charity this Yuletide.

Instead of some of the things which I previously listed, I would instead request that you prevent anyone, ever, from eating the monstrosities which Janitor linked. I've eaten a kebab before... well, a bit of one... and know the mistake it is. Save the world from a billion clanging arteries, and erase the memory of this dish from our minds and its presence from our fast food outlets.

And on the subject of charity and good-will... care to remove the destructive imperative inherent in humanity? No, that's too big to ask for as well as the gin, I suppose. Never mind. Gin is important to me.

One last request, unless of course I think of some more, and that's to sit on the Prime Minister's bed and to terrorise him into removing tuition fees from poor, benighted university students and inverting top-up fees. If you want the request in greater specifics, I can oblige with a written copy. There's time. But make him suffer until he does it, or until he gives in and says he'll let the Tories win, in which case pass the burden of terror on to Mr. Cameron. Either way, this one's for all of us.

Thanks again

R.M.P.

[aiden]

Nov 28, 2008 21:44:03 GMT -5 @aiden said:

Santa.....

I know I'm a very...on again off again type of girl, but you have to admit that this year I've been mostly on. I haven't purposely made a child cry all year, and I haven't injured anybody except myself. And that was an accident. So if you would be so kind this year, I would particularly enjoy...

*Finally getting a job...seriously.
*Going to see my family so they can finally meet my husband.
*A pet. Possibly a kitten, but I'll settle for a snake or a gineua pig.


I think that's everything I really want. Of course you could always get me a mansion with no bills to pay, or a castle somewhere or something, but that's up to you.

I'm out of chocolate chips for the cookies. And we don't have a chimney, I'll leave the door unlocked.

Thank you. I didn't expect you to act so quickly. XD

[Isi Runasimi]

Dear Santa,

I have no idea who these people are. That is all I wish to say. Thank you.

- Rebecca

[shadows]

Dear santa...I wish isi to suffer a painful brain trauma.....thank you....
-Shadows
P.S. And maybe rectal bleeding......

[ashes]

Dear Santa,

This year for Christmas I would like you to be sure to give my ex bf extra coal and a venomous snake in his trousers for his naughty behavior. If not, then I will for you. See? That's one-less house for you! I'm nice. :]

[The Janitor]

Dear Santa,

I would like for you to deliver the instrument of destruction I mentioned previously. That way I can destroy all those who wish to "save us from ourselves". I know the whole destruction of people who wish to do good might put me on the naughty list. However it would be worth it, and I might be doing the world a favor. I'll just have to pick up the munchy box after I rain flaming bee covered midget hell upon the health and safety nazis...

-Janitor-

[Isi Runasimi]

Nov 29, 2008 16:08:46 GMT -5 @shadows said:

Dear santa...I wish isi to suffer a painful brain trauma.....thank you....
-Shadows
P.S. And maybe rectal bleeding......

Puhlease. I already have brain trauma and rectal bleeding. Gotta think bigger dear.

Dear Santa,

It is my one and only wish that you bring many blessings into the Shadow's household in the form of quintuplets. Thank you.

[†The Blood Countess†]

Dear Santa,

Destroy mankind.

Sincerely yours,
Amoura

[sbs]

Dear Santa,

All I want is a better computer... and nuke to kill my old one... if not a nuke a pick axe or something. Anything Please!

[†The Blood Countess†]

Dear Santa,

I want my love to live nearby so we can pick off the preps around here one by one. If we're lucky, maybe we can corall them into the local Hollister or Ambercrombie and Finch...then nuke the place.....and then we'll go get ice cream.